wow wow wow. I have had so many thoughts about this topic recently and somehow as i stare at this blank page, i’m finding it hard to form a complete thought.
The very basis of my thoughts have come to one truthful conclusion: comparison is so real and it is a mess of all the worst feelings.
I personally am convinced that every single individual that is living and breathing has had a comparing thought at least once in their lifetime. And the root of it is an absolute lie.
Comparing yourself to someone else when actually thought about and processed is such a stupid idea. (Pardon me saying stupid, but really.)
Imagine this: Beyonce is walking down the street and she’s having an average day. She sees a girl across the road and she looks at her and thinks “man i wish i had her hair/nose/stomach/clothes/etc.”
———-Now i know, and you know that if any one of us heard those words come out of Beyonce’s mouth we would look at her and say(very loudly) “DUDE, YOU’RE BEYONCE”
It seems silly doesn’t it?
Have you ever heard one of your friends say something like that and you just look at them like…”GIRL SHUTUP YOU’RE PERFECT.” Think about how silly they sounded in that moment.
Every time we compare ourselves to someone else we sound silly because the reality of it all is that we aren’t them.
I know, I know right? crazy thought.
This is what i like to call level 1 comparison.
It is so easy in the world we live in today especially with social media(as much as i love it, i had to throw it under the bus here), to see someone else’s body, style, life and wish we had it. Those thoughts come and go more than me at a Chick-fil-a(if you know, you know.) But there comes a point where it’s unhealthy and we will talk about that in a minute. But first let’s dive into level 2.
Level 2 is where it gets rough. And i am going to be more honest than i would like, but i really want you to hear my heart. Because it breaks my heart knowing that there are other people struggling with it.
Past friendships/relationships- I have had my share of both.
A big struggle of mine for the longest time has been not having a “best friend”. Hear me out, I have had best friends before and i have best friends now. But i have always been jealous of people who have had a best friend since they were little that has stuck around and been there through it all. Now i’m not saying this for pity or apologies. I don’t need them(because realistically i was a jerk in high school and a lil bit after as well so i get it).
I’m telling you this for the sole purpose of letting you know that- Hey, if you’re dealin’ with this, you’re not alone and i’m strugglin with it too.
The other side of this goes even deeper though. And this is what has been hittin’ me hard recently.
When you see an old friend/boyfriend/girlfriend’s new friend/girlfriend/boyfriend and you start comparing.
First of all, if you see yourself going down this hill- STOP YOURSELF.
But imma speak to the people who are currently deep in the pit of this level of comparison.
First things first- i feel you. I get it.
You feel like you’ve been replaced with a newer, better model. You question what about you was so bad that they didn’t want to know you anymore. Or maybe they told you why and you have been trying to change yourself to not be like that anymore. You compare yourself to everything they do and say. You might see similarities and think that they do it better than you did. You might not want to be in that relationship anymore but for some reason you still want to be what they wanted. So you dissect their life and you become so consumed in what they are doing and you focus so much on their friendship or relationship that you lose sight of yourself.
You become overwhelmed and it cripples you. It tears and rips apart your mind and heart until it’s all you can think about. It steals your joy.
But it ultimately comes down to leaving you feeling like you weren’t enough.
Honey. Let me just tell you, you are more than enough. You are never not enough.
We allow ourselves to interpret a situation in the wrong way. And because of human nature, we always interpret it in a way that leaves us feeling sorry for ourselves when really, it wasn’t even about us not being enough. Maybe God pulled you out of that relationship/ friendship to help you.
wait woahhhhhh how would that help? how does heartbreak help? how does losing a friend/relationship help?
The best advice i can give you is that sometimes we don’t need to know the reason, we just need to trust that it’s for the best. And eventually you will understand the “why” and maybe you even knew it all along. Maybe you had even been feeling like you were supposed to end it but you were too afraid to let go. And in that case, it still might hurt but you have to be thankful. Because sometimes when we refuse to make decisions ourselves, God steps in to protect us.
This doesn’t mean that you wont have moments where you will still wish things could have been right or healthy, or you’ll wonder why it didn’t work out. And unfortunately you’ll even compare yourself to the new person in their life. But you can’t dwell on it.
One of the best quotes i’ve ever heard was this, “Feeling jealous means counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.” and wowwwwww does that hit home.
You were what they needed at that time and now God has placed somebody else in their life to give them what they need. And maybe God took them out of your life because you need something different now. You learned and now it’s time to take those lessons and keep on truckin’. Don’t count their blessings.
Be happy for them.
Be happy for yourself.
Be content with who and where you are because DUDE, you’re beyonce.
ps. here’s some of tha happiest wildflowers I’ve ever seen that i grabbed off the side of the road the other day.