During my schooling in Australia, part of our homework included a weekly character study.
What that meant was taking a Characteristic of God that you were experiencing, learning about, or growing in and talk about it.
For this article i wanted to do something a bit similar to that.
I want to take a minute or two to talk about the sweetness of our creator.
This is a characteristic that i absolutely adore and it is the biggest characteristic that i have experienced recently from God.
Since being home, things haven’t exactly been easy. Jumping back into my old life with a renewed mind shook me up a bit. It has been very difficult to not slip back into old ways of thinking. Plus, going from a full schedule and constant community 24/7 to no job and nothing to do can be quite difficult. 3 weeks of jet lag and the peak of the holiday’s added in, adds to the craziness.
Now that we are nearly done with the first month of the new year everything is beginning to catch up with me. Having done nothing for the past month and a half, and not being intentional about my quiet time, or getting involved in anything to help other people has now hit me and it makes me so angry at myself.
It causes me to slip into a “i wish i had…” mindset. A mindset of regret. And this is where He has been so sweet to me.
Ive had a really hard time recently not shedding a tear every time i enter the presence of God. Whether it’s through someone speaking, times of worship, or my quiet time. I always get so overjoyed that i tear up and cant help but laugh.
Something that i’ve said over and over in the past— “There’s only two ways to react in any situation and thats to either laugh or cry”
I suppose God has heard me when I’ve said that and every time i’m in His presence i react with both. A bit of His humorous side i suppose.
God holds my heart so tenderly. He sees my regret and the places where i have chosen things over Him and He still meets me.
When i show up, He’s already there. Waiting for me. Arms wide open. Smile across His face. Welcoming His daughter back into His presence.
He makes Himself so evident every single time.
I just have to show up.
And He’s never angry if i miss a day or even two. Because i still came back.
I always go back.
I was listening to pastor John Gray one time and He said something that has stuck with me…
“Whatever you do at your lowest is who you are.”
This encourages me so much and always gives me hope because I’ve realized that my spirit always takes me to worship when i feel less than acceptable.
And that makes me a worshiper.
I always resort to worshipping. It is my absolute favorite thing to do.
The thing that gives me the greatest joy, calms any nerves, and soothes an aching heart.
The ultimate cure for me is worshipping.
In these moments when i feel unworthy He reminds me so sweetly that it doesn’t matter.
Before i started writing this, i put worship music on in the background. Midway through, i had a moment of feeling like a disappointment. I took a second to just stop. I paused everything and the second i did, this is the line of the song that was playing…
“You taught my feet to dance upon disappointment, and i will worship.” (Heroes, Amanda Cook)
I personally had never heard the song before but it’s definitely a new favorite.
These moments are what i’m talking about.
The moments that God so perfectly orchestrates just so He can speak to us.
During our last week of school before we come home, we did a small project where we listened to hear what God had to say to us and speak into each others lives as well. During that time God spoke so clearly to me that i was entering a very sweet season with Him. “A season of delicate intimacy”.
What a fun season to be in.
I don’t have much else to say, but i wanted to leave you with an encouragement.
If you are struggling with feeling inadequate or useless, or if you feel like a disappointment or you feel unworthy, go back.
Go back and sit and rest in His presence. He’s waiting for you to meet Him there. And He doesn’t care how long it’s taken you, He’s just happy to spend time with you. He wants to soak you in His love.
You are His child and He is a sweet sweet father.
Soak in that.
photo by Nolan Merryweather