You can never get a full picture of what the next chapter of your life will look like until you’ve jumped into it. And I haven’t quite decided whether i enjoy that or not.
Coming into this crazy journey, i had no expectations. Now that i’m three weeks in, I’m so glad i didn’t because everything i have experienced has been far past my wildest imagination.
The idea of community living isn’t very appealing. And to be completely honest, i wasn’t thrilled about sharing one home with 40 or so other people. I am for sure a home body and i love to have my alone time.
Being in the wave house has changed my mindset on living completely. i LOVE living here. I never want to be in my room alone or really ever unless I’m sleeping or changing. I love constantly being surrounded by people who want to hang out and have fun. I can walk, bike, or board pretty much anywhere and everywhere that i need to go.
Speaking of boarding….. I have rekindled my middle school dream of being a skater girl.
Go ahead and laugh.
But for real, i have learned to skate and I’m slowly learning more and more and it’s amazing. Also. This is Nan the cruiser:
God is just so good. The things that have happened here so far are just absolutely incredible. I have just been in a constant place of speechlessness(is that real word?). We learned last week that the Hebrew language is truly a spiritual language. For every letter in the Hebrew alphabet, there is also a number, color, picture, musical note, etc. Every Psalm can be played as a song and any and all parts of the entire bible in the Hebrew language can be added up as whatever numbers they are and it’s all divisible by 7. WHAT?! like wow. mind blown. There is so much more to it but that alone has just wrecked my world. God is so freaking detailed, yet so simple and its the craziest thing in the world.
Every day after class last week, we all would just walk out of class completely speechless. We didn’t know what to do with ourselves because everything we thought we knew about God was just so minimal to everything that God truly is.
But that’s not even all. That was just week two, and week three has been even crazier.
This last week has been one of the heaviest, yet most freeing weeks of my life. The topic has been “The father heart of God” and man was i unprepared for it. Going into this week, i didn’t think that it would be that impactful considering I’ve had a pretty good relationship with my Dad for my entire life. I’m not usually a very emotional person(although recently that has been changing), but i have cried every single day this week. Realizing that a lot of the pain and hurt i have experienced in my life hasn’t come from my biological father, but rather other people who i have allowed to “father me” in other ways. Whether that was past relationships, friendships, or just anyone who has influenced the way i think or act. Coming to terms with certain lies that i have allowed myself to believe has been extremely painful and hard. The breaking down in order to be built back up process is a tough one. Healing is a long and very painful process but it is so necessary and so worth it(or at least that is the hope that i am holding on to).
My entire life i have heard the phrase “perfect love casts out fear” and for whatever reason, that never resonated with me until this week. Our speaker, Frank, said it and worded it a little bit differently but it hit me so hard that i started crying in the middle of our lecture. Realizing that i had a skewed view of what “perfect love” really meant. I had grown up seeing my parents love, which is absolutely incredible and for sure is a picture of perfect love. However, the relationships i have been in, have influenced that view of perfect love in the wrong way. It had warped my idea on how to give AND receive perfect love. Realizing the true love of my Father in heaven is truly incredible.
We talked about the crucifixion and the reasoning behind it which was crazy. Jesus didn’t die on the cross because He loved us. He died on the cross because God loved us and wanted to redeem us. He gave His son as a sacrifice because He loved us and wanted us back. Jesus didn’t necessarily want to die for us(i mean, can you blame him?) but He gave Himself willingly because it was His fathers will.
What started out as a pretty rough week only got worse when i called home and found out some news that made it super hard being on the opposite end of the world and not being able to be there for my family. I wanted so badly to hop on a plane and jet home but being surrounded by family here made things so much better. Everyone was so comforting and gathered around and prayed for my family. Im pretty sure i was hugged more times on Thursday than i ever have been in my life(okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration but there were a lot of hugs). And that’s just how life is here. Constant fun, hugs, and prayers.
I’m coming to the realization more and more that home is not always a place or a house. i firmly believe that “home” is where you feel happiest and for me, home is right where i am now. As much as i wish my family were here with me, i don’t think I’ve ever been happier in my life. I truly feel home.