If you opened this page, you probably opened it with the expectation that this post was going to be a sappy journal entry about a long-distance relationship. You may or may not be right, but i encourage you to keep reading. Just trust me on this one. okay? okay.
Now that a very large percentage of you have already left the page, let’s get real.
Recently i’ve been doing a bit of soul searching and have realized that I, like most people, have a pattern to my actions. These patterns are one of the many things that make us all individuals. We all know at least a couple of our own patterns but there is one that recently hit me.
As i was examining and analyzing all of my current and past relationships(most of them not romantic), I realized that there is a certain type of distance between myself and the other person. Whether it be actual physical distance or mental or emotional distance. There has always been a distance. So, i began to ask myself why? Why do i tend to cling to distance?
Thinking back to last year around this time, my goals and plans for my life were completely different than they are now. My plan was to go into trade school, become a kick-butt makeup artist, move to New York City, become a successful independent woman, and then maybe think about finding a significant other and maybe try to start a family.
Okay, go ahead, laugh. I think it’s quite comical myself. And while there is nothing wrong with this dream, it wasn’t for me. I had a change of heart and now have new dreams that are so much better and so much more rewarding for myself than that dream.
What was the point of sharing that glimpse of my life? In that dream, i was distancing myself. Distancing myself from home, from everyone i knew, from finding love. I was distancing myself from familiarity and everything that had helped me become, me. I was trying to run away from myself. This was such a shocking realization for me. At that point in time, distance meant being alone to some degree and i liked that. That distance was not good. It was an unhealthy desire of mine, and praise God for bringing me out of that desire.
Coming back to the present, the desires i have in my heart are now almost completely opposite. I want to be an author, i want to be a wife and hopefully one day a mother. Yes there are certain kinds of distances when it comes to each of these, but they are healthy. For example(here comes the sappy part), i’m currently in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend. Yes. It is difficult. Very difficult at times. But to be completely honest, I think the saying is true “distance makes the heart grow fonder”. While we are apart, we have time and space to still be ourselves. We can pursue our passions and dreams without too much of a “distraction”. If there is ever a point when we live closer together(*fingers-crossed*), i’m sure it will be fantastic. But for right now, things are perfect just the way they are. It also makes seeing each other in person much more worth while.
All this to say, distance can be good and distance can be bad. Sometimes its good to distance yourself from people or things and at other times its not. But, you should never distance yourself from who you are.
My hope is for this to be an encouragement. Have a fantastic week you lovely humans!
-much love, b